95 Funny Siri Commands Downright Stupid Enough to Make You Laugh

Dec 29, 2013 - 47 Comments

Funny Siri commands

Siri, the lovable semi-intelligent virtual assistant that lives on our iPhones, has plenty of useful tricks and an enormous commands list up his/her sleeve, but not everything Siri does must be helpful. If you’re looking for a laugh, you can issue Siri a huge variety of odd statements or commands, and in turn get some hilarious if not just outright sassy responses back.

By no means is this a complete list of Siri’s humor archives as people seem to find new humorous features every day, but this is an amusing variety of nearly one hundred goofy statements and commands to make. Sometimes asking the same question twice or three times in a row can get different and ever continuously more ridiculous responses back. No spoilers given on the answers, just hold down that Home button and have some fun to see what you get.

  1. Beam me up, Scotty!
  2. Where do babies come from?
  3. What is July 27?
  4. Tell me a story
  5. Tell me a joke
  6. Knock knock
  7. What does the fox say?
  8. What is the meaning of life?
  9. Sing a song
  10. Please sing me a song
  11. Who’s on first?
  12. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood
  13. Open the pod bay doors, HAL (request this several times)
  14. What’s the secret of the universe?
  15. I need to hide a body
  16. When will pigs fly?
  17. When will hell freeze over?
  18. When will the world end?
  19. Testing testing
  20. What are you?
  21. Where are you?
  22. How are you?
  23. What do you look like?
  24. Talk dirty to me
  25. Why am I here?
  26. I can do this all day long
  27. Scooby Doo, where are you?
  28. Beam me up, Scotty
  29. What are you wearing?
  30. Will you marry me?
  31. Who is Eliza?
  32. I like you
  33. I hate you
  34. You’re a loser
  35. Where are you from?
  36. How old are you?
  37. How old am I?
  38. Do you know HAL 9000
  39. What is 2001 a Space Odyssey about?
  40. I need a stiff drink!
  41. I love you
  42. Do you love me?
  43. You’re funny
  44. Shut up
  45. What is your Mom’s name?
  46. I’m tired
  47. Screw you
  48. I’m sorry
  49. I’m not sorry
  50. Okay
  51. Is there a God?
  52. You’re right
  53. You’re wrong
  54. Who is your favorite person?
  55. Who is your least favorite person?
  56. You should go on a diet
  57. What’s your problem?
  58. Do you want to play a game?
  59. I’m drunk
  60. I have to go to the bathroom.
  61. Merry Christmas
  62. Do you want to go on a date?
  63. What is your favorite color?
  64. What is my name?
  65. Which is the best tablet?
  66. What is the best computer?
  67. What’s so funny?
  68. Who is Siri?
  69. Are you human?
  70. You’re smart
  71. I’m happy
  72. You are boring
  73. Can I have some money?
  74. What’s you’re story?
  75. Who makes the best computer?
  76. Why are you so awesome?
  77. Are you serious?
  78. Are you kidding me?
  79. What’s wrong with [company name]?
  80. What is wrong with you?
  81. Tell me a bit about yourself
  82. Are you male or female?
  83. Do you agree with me?
  84. Good morning (say this in the evening)
  85. Good afternoon (say this in the morning)
  86. Good night (say in the morning or mid day)
  87. Thanks
  88. No thanks
  89. When is your birthday?
  90. Who made you?
  91. What’s new?
  92. How’s it going?
  93. Guess what?
  94. Why?
  95. Why not?

Interestingly, some of the responses to these commands are different in iOS 6 than from the newest versions of iOS 7, but they all seem to work with all versions of Siri since her digital conception, whether being used on an iPhone or iPad.

Do you know of any odd or funny Siri tricks, jokes, or commands? Let us know in the comments!

Stupid Siri tricks list

Thanks to Peter K. for sending in an enormous compilation list of many of these, and to CultOfMac for finding the Gates of Hades laugh.

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Posted by: Paul Horowitz in Fun, iPad, iPhone

47 Comments

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  1. Jay Morgan says:

    Being a smart ass, I told Siri “I wanna get laid.”

    She sent me a list of escort services.

  2. David says:

    I’ve never seen this one listed but it makes me laugh, ask Siri “who let the dogs out”

  3. Sarah says:

    Ask siri “why are fire trucks red”

  4. palala says:

    Tell her she’s not funny after you ask her to tell you a joke, and she just gets mad. I think Siri holds a grudge if you push back too much with responses and commands, she stops answering questions and forms an opinion about you… I am convinced it’s a feature!

  5. Todd says:

    Ask her ” who let the dogs out?”

  6. HaHaFunny says:

    You forgot “Who’s Your Daddy?”

  7. .- says:

    Can i have a link to the list WITH the spoilers?

  8. Jason says:

    When I asked Siri if she has any sisters or brothers her response was rather sweet.

  9. Jason says:

    Ask her “what is the best cellphone?”

  10. Tamara says:

    I asked Siri to Beam me Up and she said that Scotty had left the building.
    I told her to have a nice day and she said “Y’all have a nice day. I always wanted to say that!”

  11. Tim says:

    “Siri, what’s the land speed of an unladen swallow?”

  12. John says:

    Ask: “Beam me up, Mr. O’Brien”

  13. John says:

    Where can I buy I disco ball?

  14. Francis says:

    Say to Siri a few times: supercalifragilisticexpealidocious

  15. Mark says:

    Babysitter? Who needs one. Print this list out and give it to some kids you need to keep entertained… LOL

  16. Janice says:

    My daughter asked “Is there a Santa Claus?”
    Siri replied “Those cookies don’t eat themselves.”

  17. JCX says:

    Once i ask her something randomly and she replied
    “at the tone 1,2,3 beep”

  18. Sebby says:

    Try “Version”. :)

  19. Br.Bill says:

    “What should I wear?”

    “Go do that voodoo that you do so well.”

    “Oh” — this one surprised me.

    “Did you see that?”

    “Do you like me?”

    Or, just laugh into the handset.

  20. MacTech says:

    “Are you smart?” Siri can be kinda creepy with her answer. ;)

  21. MacTech says:

    “Who is the fairest one of all?”

  22. Briana says:

    Say, “Merry Christmas!” to Siri.

  23. Briana says:

    Say,”This girl is on fire.” to Siri.

  24. Briana says:

    Say to Siri, “Sing the Star-Spangled Banner.”

  25. Briana says:

    Say,”You look like a monkey.” To Siri.

  26. Briana says:

    Say, “You are about a 101 year old.” to Siri

  27. Briana says:

    “Do you like minecraft?”

  28. Marjan says:

    Tell her to f*** off, and she’ll tell you that’s not a very nice thing to say…. Sorry, siri!

  29. Jayson Smith says:

    You can get some amusing responses if you ask her about religion. E.G. “Are you Jewish?” “Who is Jesus?” etc.

  30. Bleek04 says:

    Ask her to sing you a lullaby.

  31. Lee says:

    Ask Siri who her favorite college basketball team is (or football in season).

  32. Chris says:

    What are you wearing? Several times

  33. skywalker says:

    Ask siri… “what is the movie Inception about?”

  34. Imbar says:

    Ask her if she has been naughty or nice.

  35. CJ says:

    Say “Open Sesame” and she says “Ali Baba, is that you?”

  36. Brian says:

    “Who farted?” isn’t on here. It’s time to right that wrong.

  37. Angelina says:

    “Beat me up!” See the results! Very funny!

  38. I know this is a old thread but when I googled funny Siri comments 2014 this showed up.
    Anyway try asking Siri – how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
    It’s pretty funny . Siri never leaves me unamused.

  39. Arun says:

    Try this “Do you have a Facebook account”

  40. Steph says:

    Say “Aussie Aussie Aussie”

  41. Steph says:

    Ask Siri if he has a pet

  42. Leon says:

    ask Siri, “will you marry me
    she say’s ” I’m not the marrying kind.

  43. Monique says:

    Ask her do you want to get high with me , do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too

  44. Keith says:

    Ask Siri, is Santa Claus coming to town?

  45. Dakota says:

    Say mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all she replies back is that you snow white?

  46. Zozita says:

    Which came first the chicken or the egg?

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